Thinking today about things we should and shouldn’t say to our littleloves its so hard to say the right thing constantly and lets face it, the days that you have been up all night, the night before and you are trying to juggle getting one to school and the other one to sit still and stop pulling out the other ones hair whilst you are attempting to do an upstyle on a 5 year old who thinks each morning you ‘have to have a different hairstyle’ (and it must be better then the day before)… insanity hey??
On reflection though i dont think its what we shouldn’t say that counts. I genuinely believe its the way we say things to them and understanding how, what we mean and what we hear can differ. So, here is a few (probably obvious) yet sometimes can be the things we forget to say on the days we ‘just have to make it to bedtime’!
I love you – Probably one that everyone looks at and goes yeah, ok “tick” i say that all the time. I dont mean saying it, just to say it. I mean saying it and actually meaning it. Just because they know you have to love them doesnt mean they dont need to hear it with a bit of ‘oomph’ on a daily basis.
I’m sorry – I must admit i feel this one the most, i dont think i can remember my parents ever saying these words to me? It cant have always been my fault… Could it? Anyway, lead by example and show you’re children that you are just as capable as them to say ‘I got it wrong, I am sorry”… I like to think that hopefully they will soon realise their mistakes have consequences and even though it doesn’t take away the original bad behaviour, it is important they realise what they have done.
Yes – Just give in sometimes and say it! My husband always says to me “Helly, choose your battles” he is way better at this then me (but dont tell him). I am so good at saying No that i forget that actually ‘feic it’ why not! What could go wrong? This is something i am trying to work on…
Can you please help me – Everybody needs a bit of help now and then, Cadhla-Rose asks me to do things more then i can count on my hands and i am delighted she is happy and confident enough to say “mam i am struggling.” There is a lesson to be learnt here by my 5 year old. There is nothing wrong with asking for help- she is happy to help out and feels needed and more apart of the family when she is helping, let them help.
i’m feeling – This is one i used alot today. Lukey has gone to Eire for our friend’s wedding and even though i stupidly feel like i am invincible and thinking that mylittleloves haven’t a clue that i am feeling a little down. I am very wrong. They know, they see right through me. You don’t need to give them a big long story a simple “Mammys just feeling a little sad today” and the responce i got from Cadhla-Rose “You’ll be better before you’re married” (Thanks Nana Mags for teaching her that one).
It’s okay – It’s okay not to win. It’s okay to get things wrong. Aoibhie-Faith is attempting to potty train at the moment and we aren’t going full flight in as we just feel she is a bit small yet. She is pulling down her pullups and attempting the potty but every now and then we may find a little next to the potty rather then in it. We told her “it’s okay” because it is okay. She has attempted it (failed) but its the fact that she is trying that is amazing.
I’m proud of you – It is so important to recongnise the good things they do, even on the days it almost feels your searching for something. Chances are they have done atleast 5 things great for every 1 bad. I love Cadhla-Roses face lighting up when she hears that one phrase. Some days when all is lost a simple “I am proud of you for eating all your dinner” and BOOM face lights up like the sun.
Thankyou – One of the most important things to say. We are so blessed to be able to have our littleloves.
We should be thanking god for letting us have them, but instead we will thank them, as they came into our world and made it even brighter. What ever you do say thank you for, research shows that if you follow it up with a kiss, cuddle or even holding their hands it will positively re-enforce what you have just said.
A little something from a sleepy, yet thankful Mammy xx