“Mammy, what are you doing?”
This question came from Cadhla-Rose as i was getting ready to go for dinner with the girls.
“Can i please put on makeup too Mammy?”
To which i replied, “No Cadhla-Rose you are beautiful without makeup.”
She then said “Well why do you need to wear makeup?”
Without even thinking I said, “Well, Mammy needs makeup to cover spots, scars and wrinkles.” Thinking to myself, that was a good enough answer for an equisitive 5 year old. She then said “I need to cover up my spots.”
I then tried another angle. “Mammy’s need to wear makeup, so that we don’t look so tired”.
I still can’t believe these words came out from my mouth. Someone that barely puts makeup on in the first place!
I was basically telling Cadhla-Rose how ugly I thought I was. Old, imperfect, pale and tired. I was telling Cadhla-Rose that women must hide all their imperfections under foundation, concealer and mascara. I started then listening to comments I make; “I feel so fat today! These pants are too tight! Let me check that photo! Make sure you get my good side! Look how white my legs are! Where is the fake tan?”
All these comments that mylittleloves hear daily, without me batting an eyelid. These comments i fear mylittleloves will one day say in her own home, to her own littleloves.
I want mylittleloves to believe that they are beautiful, that they are masterpiece’s. Made by God. I want them to believe that they are fearfully and wonderfully made. I want only good words to come from their mouthes, not the self-loathing words that come from my mouth. The hope that they create their own words and do not learn to repeat mine.
One day mylittleloves will be in their late twenty’s like I am. They will look into the mirror and see their own mammy. They will see me and they will look at themselves and see old, imperfect, pale, tired and fat. In other words- Ugly. Those are things I never want to hear come from mylittleloves mouthes.
So from now on, I will make an attempt to stop using self-loathing comments regarding myself and remind myself that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I am a masterpiece and I am loved. These will be the only words I want to hear come from mylittleloves mouth’s. As parents we need to lead by example. Let the lesson of self love commence.
Happy Weekend xx