Life is far from normal after miscarriage. There are constant reminders all around you that your pregnancy is over and the phrase that always pops up, “when will ye have another?” Lets talk about this. It’s not you – it’s me. Actually, it is all of us.
A writer for the Guardian, Zoe Williams wrote an article that has ‘hit home’. It has given me the push I needed to talk about something so many of us have gone through- yet keep to ourselves. If you have not had the opportunity to read the article yet you can read it here.
Zoe’s article talks about the thick smog of emotions which we are surrounded by after having a miscarriage. She effortlessly talks about the gut wrenching feeling so many of us face (during and after) and shows the world that we are at that time in our lives confused enough! No one should feel embarrassed or fear talking it out. There should be no stigma when you discuss your pregnancy early. You should feel safe when you are airing your views on miscarriage.
It was prompted by Mark Zuckerberg’s pregnancy news and the subsequent attention again on his openness around his and his wife’s previous three miscarriages. He publicly wrote;
“Most people don’t discuss miscarriages because you worry your problems will distance you or reflect upon you — as if you’re defective or did something to cause this. So you struggle on your own. In today’s open and connected world, discussing these issues doesn’t distance us; it brings us together. It creates understanding and tolerance, and it gives us hope.”
His transparency has inspired me. None of these moments are easy, but they do get easier. Talk to people, you will be surprised to know how many women are going through the same emotional roller coaster. Being a survivor of baby loss is something 1 in 5 woman will go through (huge isn’t it?) which makes me feel that women are truly a force to be reckoned with.
When we are suffering and can’t see how life will go on, sometime’s we turn to God and wonder, Why? How could this happen to me? What did I do wrong for this to happen? Thankfully I am well aware God does not work like this and there are some things in life that are just set to ‘test us’ and perhaps make us stronger in our faith. This for me has been a big comfort. Where will you find your comfort? Maybe a friend/ family member or maybe even a support group?
In my home town making statements to couples like, “Your married, time for a baby” or “When will you go again?” Unfortunately it is so normal, that it comes across like you are talking about the weather. I am completely guilty of this! I am guilty of asking couples I know pregnancy related questions, so I must hold my hand up! I have never really stopped to think about the implications of my questions. That couple might be going through a really hard time financially and can’t afford the responsibility of a child. They may be having fertility issues, maybe they have suffered losses that they have not been ready to share or as I have heard recently from two of my friends, they just aren’t ready for a child.
Mylittleloves have taught me that having a child is the most life changing experience. It really does make you realise what “love at first sight” is all about. Spare a thought for those who haven’t got there yet. Those who have been blessed before and are still trying for more and those who have been blessed and unfortunately it has been taken away from them.