A life time in my heart!
As a lot of Mama’s will know, October is Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Month. How does one survive the aftermath of child loss? Do you have the right to grieve if the pregnancy loss was early? What if there is no rainbow after a storm? So many questions we women ask ourselves. I felt the need to write my feelings down (although a week early) I felt the need to get it all off my chest. The stigma around miscarriage is one that scares a lot of women. No one wants to be insensitive to another woman but statistics say that 1 in 4 women have gone through this experience.
For me, the main question I asked myself was “Do I have the right to grieve miscarriages when I have two healthy Little’s already?” and “Is it ok to be upset when trying to get pregnant for a 3rd?” Especially knowing that I was lucky to have two Little’s in the first place! So many questions run through my mind. From the “Why me?” – At the times you think falling pregnant is taking longer then it should. Then to the “Helly stop being selfish you have 2 – there are people out there still hoping for those two blue lines!”
President Ronald Reagan pronounced this awareness month in 1988 and he showed his deep sorrow for bereaved mothers. He said – “When a child loses his parent, they are called an orphan. When a spouse loses her or his partner, they are called a widow or widower. When parents lose their child, there is no word to describe them.”
He was right! There are no words…
After a mother’s loss – days, weeks, months and years will pass by. In that time a mother’s heart aches even more for that complete love. That missing part of them. A love that is greater than anything you could ever imagine. Love so big there are no words to describe it. Yet there is no way to describe what these mother’s are going through.
No way at all to show people a love they felt (even if they had not got to the baby kicking stage) a love that is now gone. For me, A love that hurt so bad that it knocked the wind out of my lungs and yet filled me with more joy than I could even express. How could love feel so painful and yet so beautiful all at once?
October is the month that gets me thinking every year. The bitter sweet feeling of loss yet thankfulness for my two that are here with us and healthy. As October 15th draws near, we all need a reminder to be kinder to ourselves. To not ignore the feelings of grief and to lean on those who have been there. Those women around the globe who feel a little pain in their hearts for a loss they are not sure they want to share. Every Mother deserve’s to go through the stages of losing someone they once loved, no matter how brief that time was.
To you Mother’s out there who have been through a pregnancy loss (at any stage) and are feeling like it isn’t okay to ‘say goodbye’ or to cry over – please do. If you are feeling guilty for falling pregnant again and ‘forgetting’ about someone that might have been -throw away those feelings. You don’t need them! Honour your feelings of attachment, honour that connection and most importantly, honour yourself as you are so important.
Love, Helly xx
Remember to Light it UP – On October 15th you can join families all around the world in lighting candles at 7pm. You will create a wave of light and hope around the entire globe. The lights must look pretty spectacular to all the precious babies in Heaven.